Rumble Roses
If game reviews were like Frosted Mini-Wheats commercials
Tags: Rumble Roses Categories: PS2 Reviews, Reviews
Posted by Jake McNeill on Dec 7th, 2004
| Title | Players | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Rumble Roses (title page) | 1 - 2 | ||
| Developer | Publisher | Genre | Online |
| Wrestling | No | ||
 |
The day before I got Rumble Roses, I hurt my wrist. Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, I was lifting boxes. Still, this had to be some kind of omen, though I’m not entirely sure what it was supposed to mean. However, it did serve to remind me that, oh yeah, I hear there’s supposed to be an actual game underneath all the sexy girl-groping. With that in mind, the part of me that’s a game reviewer feels a need to critique the game based on its technical merits rather than its sex appeal…
…But come on. everyone knows this game is all about the sexy ladies, and it would be stupid to ignore that. So the part of me that’s a guy is here to review the real reasons for buying the game. Both of them, if you catch my drift…
… And how could we when you’re so subtle? Anyways, to start, it should be said that for a game that obviously emphasizes its graphics, Rumble Roses definitely has the goods to deliver. Most notably, as with the Silent Hill and Metal Gear Solid games, Konami once again displays their prowess with getting the most out of the PS2 with outstanding character models. While not quite as impressively-modeled as the girls of DOA Ultimate (and still showing a few seams, like occasional clipping), it’s still relatively close, and for a PS2 game, that’s quite a feat.
 |
Yeah, these babes all have polygons out the ying-yang. It’s the little touches that make the difference, though. From the barely-noticable little mole above Reiko’s left breast to the very noticable way Candy Cane’s cheerleader skirt falls back as she’s being suplexed, the game has a very nice level of detail. Very nice. Like, “Oh, look! There are her panties!” nice.
The arenas themselves don’t have quite the same level of attention as the girls, but still boast some very nice touches. The crowds in the indoor arenas are actually rendered in 3D, and each has an intro stage for the girls to make their dramatic (and often elaborate) entrance. Unfortunately, there are only three or four different locales, and only one of them (the mud wrestling pit) is significantly different than the others.
Which would be a big deal if you bought this game to look at the wrestling arenas. You know… Instead of looking at the girls.
The mud wrestling pit’s graphical qualites are a bit mixed. The mud in the pit itself looks less like a liquid and more like a layer of brown saran wrap, and it doesn’t react realistically to the girls’ bodies and their movements. Also odd is how the mud disappears off their bodies gradually, even if they’re just standing still.
 |
However, the way it sticks to their bodies looks juuuuuuuust fine, and the wrestling moves in the game seem well-suited to the mud pit, with some moves cruelly holding the opponent’s head under the mud as they receive their abuse. There’s sadly no impact on the gameplay from this, and aside from the fact that you fall down into the pit (rather than down out of a ring), the pit doesn’t play any different than the other arenas. It’s still a nice touch, though. And speaking of nice touches…
EWWWWWWWW…
 |
Whaaaat? I was just gonna’ mention how wonderfully the game covers just about all the major sexy fetishes. There’s the bad schoolgirl and dominant teacher, the pure-hearted anime babe, the down-home country gal, the naughty nurse, the biker chick, the S&M girl… I could go on and on. Suffice it to say, if you can’t find a girl in this game that suits your fancy… well, maybe you prefer the company of men. Uhm… And I’m not knocking that or anything, but if that’s what floats your boat, this is not the cruise ship for you.
Umm… That does bring up another important point, which is the fact that there’s a lot of variety in the chatacters, in the gameplay as well. Not only does each of the game’s 11 characters (including the unlockable boss) play significantly differently, but every one of them has a face/heel alternate version that plays differently from their standard form as well. Unfortunately, a few of them seem to have less time put into them than others…
That’s an understatement. Dixie has an intro with a hat, a little dance and a bunch of explosions, and Miss Spencer basically just walks hesitantly into the ring and sets down her clipboard? What’s up with that? It’s the same with the moves, too. A few characters like Dixie have really far-out, impressive moves while others are more tame, more boring.
 |
Speaking of moves, the gameplay is pretty easy to pick up, yet has a fair amount of depth, if you know what to look for. I’ve seen complaints about the girls not having enough different moves, and I don’t agree, the problem is it’s just not obvious how to use the various moves there are.
Yeah, if I want to find a hold that gets the other girl in the most embarassing position possible, it would be nice if I had a move list or practice mode to work with. You know… for scientific purposes…
Sure. Right. Anyways, the counter system works well enough (though I prefer DOA’s), and the “humilliation” meter is a nice touch that fits well into the theme of the game, even if it doesn’t add much to the gameplay itself.
Although it does make me giggle uncontrollably.
 |
The game features two gameplay modes, the exhibition and story modes. The story mode is notable for its sheer stupidity. No, really, it’s bad. I’d argue they were going for cheesy camp in the game’s story, except it’s not even good camp.
Whatever it is, it’s the opposite of sexy. Bleh.
It’s like a bad fanfic written by some 8-year old, complete with plot twists so obvious you can see them in the character designs, yet are still somehow given so much foreshadow you expect the soap opera-style electric organ to flare up any minute. And the terrible voice acting makes the horrible writing a hundred times worse.
Oh, it’s fine when they’re moaning in pain and begging for mercy, but the minute one of these girls opens their mouth for more than two words, I swear I wanna’ jump up and scream, “You shut your big fat mouth, woman!”
It doesn’t make sense, either. Konami is the best when it comes to voice acting (I point again to Metal Gear Solid and Silent Hill), yet here they’ve managed to get some voicers that make Resident Evil’s “You were almost a Jill sandwhich!” seem like poetry. Thankfully they didn’t do such a sloppy job with the soundtrack, and you can always skip all the story sequences and get straight to the girl-groping.
Yes, please.
 |
Also, the exhibition mode is an interesting spin on the formula, letting you build up your character’s face/heel rating by making “vows” (meeting selected goals, like performing 5 taunts or winning without blocking). It was, however, disappointing that this mode will only allow you access to one version of a character (face or heel) at any given time, meaning you don’t have the option of just matching up your two favorite characters. Instead, you have to work them back to the face/heel rating that matches what you want. It’s unnecessarily frustrating.
Yeah, but it’s how you unlock the gallery mode, where you can move the camera aaaaall around the girls… and under…
Uhm… Yeah…
…And in and out…
Okay, we get the point.
…And in and out again…
That’s enough, thank you. On a final note, I generally find one of the most engaging parts of a wrestling game is the ability to create custom characters, a feature this game sadly lacks. I suppose that realistically, a custom character would stand out against a cast so meticulously detailed in their design, but I still wish Konami could have found a way to work one in.
Ah, quit your whinin’. The character designs that are there are wonderful, and have so much variety you have no right to complain.
 |
All told, from a technical standpoint, this is a pretty good wrestling game, but not a great one. There aren’t enough options or gameplay modes here to give Rumble Roses too much depth, and if all you cared about was the gameplay, you’d be looking at a game that’s only worth a rental.
But I don’t just care about the gameplay. At the end of the day, what would you be buying it for, the wrestling gameplay or the sexy girls? Admit it, you want it for the girls, and in that department, this game scores a ‘10′ in my book.
And I guess, in terms of gameplay, it’s more like a 7.5, so waddya’ say we meet somewhere in the middle and give it an 8.0?
Didn’t you hear me? The girls! Why don’t we give it a 10!? The boobies demand a 10!
Ehm… No.
| What Works | Score |
|---|---|
|
+ Definitely meets its goal of being the sexiest wrestling game ever (and possibly the sexiest game ever) + Top-notch character designs and models, some of the best on the PS2 + Plenty of variety in the characters |
8.0 |
| What Doesn't | |
|
- The voice acting is terrible - The story is horrendous - There aren't enough options or gameplay modes |
|
| Under the Shrink-wrap | |
| If it wasn't for the girls, this game would only be "pretty good", but with the girls, it rawks. Sooooo sexahy! | |
[ Post the first comment | View related posts ]
Tags: Rumble Roses
Posted by Jake McNeill on Dec 7th, 2004 and is filed under PS2 Reviews, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can post a comment, or trackback from your own site.
