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Bad Boys: Miami Takedown

Bad Boys: Miami Takedown is what happens when video games attempt to feel like films. More specifically, Bad Boys: Miami Takedown is what happens when video games are made from Bad Boys films. Three guesses as to what I thought of those.

Bad Boys: Miami Takedown is an offshoot of the Bad Boys film franchise, not a direct remake of either film. You play as Mike Lowrey and Marcus Burnett, members of the Tactical Narcotics Team (TNT), chasing down the distributors of a powerful new drug known as Orchid. The group leader’s name? Mendoza. I think it’s a rule that if you’re doing a film/game about drug dealers, someone has to be named Mendoza. Cue Simpson’s reference.

Right off the bat this game frustrated me. The targeting system is so poor that you have no choice but to use the lock-on button, which completely eliminates the need for skill. The controls in general were unresponsive to the point of madness. Headshots will kill instantly, but sometimes so will stomach shots, or arm shots, or foot shots. From my experience with the game, the targeting system is essentially useless.

You get weapons like shotguns and machine guns and you can even shoot guns out of criminals hands, but again, the controls don’t make any of it much fun. I will say that blowing a guy away with a shotgun from close range was a positive note, and the sniper rifle had its moments, but those don’t save the game from the severe control flaws.

The game features a “cover” system, a way for your character to take cover behind objects and return fire more safely. Initially, I thought it was pretty decent, but as I progressed, it became so repetitive and non-strategic that it lost any appeal. Plus, I was more vulnerable taking cover than I was just strafing side to side and taking the criminals head-on. The system is too slow and cumbersome and you’d almost be better off simply ducking in most instances.

The AI ranges from unbelievably stupid to unbelievably prophetic. Either they stand in the middle of an open area, exposed, while you kill them by hitting the vital organs of their foot, or they predict your movement so well that you have to get shot in order to kill them. The latter seemed more common. Basically, unbalanced.

And this doesn’t translate well when the levels are even remotely long. Because even though there are health boosts throughout the levels, there are no save points. So, the game is less about skill and more about taking as few bullets as possible. I completed a few levels in the game only by learning from my many annoying deaths.

The level design was not so bad, but completely linear. You’re sometimes given the choice between two doors, but both go the same direction anyway, so it’s not much of a decision.

The ambience of Bad Boys: Miami Takedown is classic, big budget, action-flick caliber. That in and of itself is not bad, necessarily, but when translating that to a video game, realism and plot tend to suffer. For instance, I took down a Russian gunship with a machine gun and pistol. The actual plot is completely unmemorable and I couldn’t for the life of me remember who crossed who, who owed who, etc. All you’ll remember is that Mendoza is bad, and you need to stop Mendoza.

The graphics are average, and very few things, if anything, will catch your attention. I noticed some nifty effects, like light streaming into a darkened criminal hideout through bullet-holes in the boarded-up windows, but that is, quite literally, it. The characters look nothing like their real-life actor/counterparts, the movements are boxy and uninspiring, and the movie cut-scenes are all just a smoother rendition of that.

The extras can be summed up very easily. Not worth it. Throughout your game, you’ll have a bad boy meter, which goes from “Perfect Cop” to “Bad Boy.” If you’re more accurate, avoid damaging property, and more careful not to execute criminals who have their hands up, you’ll gain a good rating at the end of the level, and unlock some extras. Unlockables include cheats, new shooting ranges… and that’s about it, none of which are worthwhile. Even cheats won’t convince you to trudge through this game again.

Here’s a list of things I wrote down while playing which seem worth mentioning, if only because they made me laugh. Something tells me they put a bit too much detail into some areas and not enough into others…

- Wine barrels, when shot, empty realistically.
- House of cards in criminal hideout topples realistically when shot.
- Enemies waiting for me in the women’s restroom stalls.
- One gang’s name is “Baby Demon Gang.”
- MEN-DOZ-A!

I thought that after playing titles like GTA, I’d have become accustomed to video game profanity, but it seems I was mistaken. Not only does Bad Boys surpass any previous game I’ve ever played in the explicit language department, it tears them a new *******. There were actually moments when I felt embarrassed to be playing because of the language (among other things).

Now, that’s not to say that you can’t get over it. If you’re a mature adult, you’ll adjust. Well, sort of. It’s not just the initial shock that will catch your attention, it’s also the absolute overuse of expletives throughout the game. This game works with profanity the way other games work with lighting or story. The main characters drop the F-bomb (not to mention A-bomb, S-bomb, P-bomb) so often, you really have no choice but get used to it. Ultimately, all the swearing is a forced attempt to be funny. Some of it will make you chuckle, but most will just make you turn the volume down. The voice work is actually one of the better parts of the game (though it doesn’t feature Will Smith or Martin Lawrence), but because of the annoying use of mindless profanity, you won’t want to listen for very long.

Unless you’re a huge Will Smith or Martin Lawrence fan, you should stay away from this game. And even if you are a fan, they’re nowhere in the game except on the box anyway. It won’t add anything to your collection except perhaps a few new four-letter words. Definitely rated M for a reason.

I’m giving it at least a 2.0 because it is, in fact, a video game, and it didn’t cause me any physical pain to put it in my console and play it. It achieves that much. Had I been given a bag of Scrabble tiles spelling out “BAD BOYS,” it might have gotten a lower score. Might have.

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Tags: Bad Boys: Miami Takedown

Posted by Andrew on Oct 26th, 2004 and is filed under PS2 Reviews, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can post a comment, or trackback from your own site.

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