Playboy:The Mansion
This review may not be suitable for younger viewers.
Tags: Playboy:The Mansion Categories: PC Reviews, Reviews
Posted by Andrew on Apr 12th, 2005
| Title | Players | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Playboy:The Mansion (title page) | 1 | ||
| Developer | Publisher | Genre | Online |
| Simulation | No | ||
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HERE AT DEN, WE HAVE ONLY THE HOTTEST COLLEGE GIRLS, ALL GOING TOTALLY WILD! THESE ARE REAL COLLEGE GIRLS! … Okay, wrong franchise. But I think we can safely assume that the audience is roughly the same. We’ve all seen the ads in our gaming magazines. Don’t pretend you didn’t. “Oh, I can’t wait to see the extensive Metal Gear Solid 3 coverage,” you say, flipping through wildly. And then you see it. The silhouette of a naked woman. That’s right; you don’t even need the full vision of a nude woman. The silhouette works just fine for you. Oh, men, how sad we are.
But I come to you with relatively good news. Playboy: The Mansion is not the worst game ever. It’s not great, but it’s not horrible. It’s a functioning game. And, no, it’s not just because of boobs. Boobs factor in, of course. I’m a guy like any other guy, but I was able to put the testosterone on hold for a bit. So, boobs are responsible for no more than ninety percent of the score. But I looked hard at the other ten percent stuff, too.
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You are Hugh Hefner. A younger, less Viagra’d Hef, I suppose. It’s your job to build the Playboy empire; throw lavish parties, chat it up with celebrities and sexy bunnies, and compile issues of the famous magazine. Your main goal is obviously to publish the magazine. To do this you need six things: a cover shot, a pictorial, a centerfold, an article, an essay written by a celebrity, and an interview with a celebrity.
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To get these you’ll need to find some celebrities and some bunnies, and the only way to find them is too throw a lavish party. Ask beautiful women if they want to be the centerfold for the next issue. Or have sex with them and forget they exist. Either way, it all pretty much mirrors my own life. You will get to take the pictures yourself during photo shoots, and that sounds fun in a naughty kind of way. At first, it is. But then you begin to realize that no matter what pictures you take, or how you take them, it will have no impact on anything. Just getting them seems to be the goal. It makes the whole experience an empty one.
The better your parties, the better your magazine will do, and the better the celebrities attending the next party. Get to know those celebrities and ask them for an interview. It’s really too simple. Whereas in the Sims, relationships take time and careful effort to grow successfully, in The Mansion, a few lines will get you almost any girl in the room. And it’s not because you’re Hef, it’s because the game isn’t that deep.
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That translates to visual department as well. Every girl looks pretty much the same and the graphics are not the best. It’s a little better than the first Sims, but not very close to the Sims 2.
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Now, as you’ve probably seen or heard, the gameplay layout is essentially the same as the Sims. So I won’t get into intricate detail on that, since by now the Sims is a household name. I will, however, say that in general the gameplay feels clunky. Like the Sims, you’ll get to build your house, place and arrange furniture, and spiffy up rooms of the Mansion, but, like the hordes of girls you’ll be hitting on and sleeping with two clicks later, it all looks very similar no matter what you do.
The music in The Mansion may be the best legitimate feature. There’s a nice variety of rock, hip-hop, jazz and other styles. It’s a welcomed feature because the game becomes rather repetitive. After the novelty of the Playboy name gets old, you won’t find a lot to do. The Sims influence runs dry quickly.
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The extras are another highpoint and ultimately give the game a bit more worth. Included are interviews with famous people, past centerfolds and covers from the archives, and some other interesting additions. It’s definitely a nice package of extras considering the rather shallow gameplay.
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Of course, what 99% of people (read: men) buying this game are looking for is the nudity and sexuality. I’m happy to say that you will see boobs. You will see them often, and, I must say, though it’s polygonal video game nudity, they look nice. There is also sex in the game, but — and here’s the catch; we all knew it was coming — the people in The Playboy Mansion have sex with their underwear on. I’m not sure how that works, but I’ll call up the girlfriend and get back to you.
Playboy: The Mansion is an interesting title. It does a decent job of capturing the feeling of the Playboy style, but the shallow gameplay will become boring rather quickly. But even still, it’s Playboy, and there are boobs in the game. And the novelty alone will sell copies of this game, I’m sure.
| What Works | Score |
|---|---|
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+ Boobs + Mildly entertaining at times + Functioning game |
5.5 |
| What Doesn't | |
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- Sex in your underwear? How does that work? - Clunky gameplay. - Women aren't real. The ones in the game, I mean. |
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| Under the Shrink-wrap | |
| Playboy: The Mansion is a novelty title. It has its moments, and they all involve nudity. But overall, it's a shallow title with nothing to offer. The extras are nice but it's not nearly enough to make up for the areas which are lacking. If you're desperate for nudity and don't have access to Google's image search database, then Playboy: The Mansion may be your game. | |
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Tags: Playboy:The Mansion
Posted by Andrew on Apr 12th, 2005 and is filed under PC Reviews, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can post a comment, or trackback from your own site.
