Zoey 101
*Sigh* Here we go again
Tags: Zoey 101 Categories: GBA Reviews, Reviews
Posted by Jake McNeill on Apr 30th, 2007
| Title | Players | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Zoey 101 (title page) | 1 | ||
| Developer | Publisher | Genre | Online |
| Other | No | ||
Over the years, I’ve kinda’ become Dignews’ “girl game” reviewer. I don’t know how it started, but now, any game featuring Mary-Kate and Ashley, touting “hot fashions” as a feature, or sporting box art heavy on hot pink and baby blue… it all goes to me. As you can imagine, in a situation like that, it’s hard to keep from getting cynical after a while.
If you’re a parent looking into getting a game for your girl, or simply just not a big gamer, let me explain. There are certain types of videogames that are kind of unofficially “cursed”. Games in these certain genres just usually aren’t very good. Games based on TV shows are almost always bad. Games specifically aimed for kids are usually so bad even kids won’t play them for more than ten minutes. And girl games, well, they make it obvious why so few girls become serious gamers. I mean, really, if you want to raise your girl to hate videogames, get her a few girl games. And a girl game based on an afternoon or Saturday morning TV show, well, that’s pretty much a guaranteed bad game trifecta.
Why start a review like this? I just want to send a message to those reading. This game? I’ve seen it before, many, many times. It’s been called That’s So Raven! And You Go, Girl! and The Diary of Some Girl Whose Name I Can’t Remember. And the details change here and there, but the game stays the same. So maybe for you, this is a new thing, but for me, this is old hat. Here’s how it works:
1. Start with some ridiculously simple minigames
This will be a series of games where you generally only use the D-pad and one of the buttons at a time. This often includes sports (Zoey 101 features a basketball minigame, a Frisbee golf minigame and a wrestling minigame), some school-themed games (Zoey 101 has a games where you dodge pranksters in the the hallways of your school), some stuff about fashion and pets (Zoey 101 is mercifully free of these), sometimes a Tetris-esque puzzle game (Not quite, but we do have a weak clone of Chu Chu Rocket), and there is always, always, always some sort of Dance Dance Revolution/Simon Says ripoff (this game has you remembering button sequences to mix chemicals! Yay originality!).
2. Tie it together with a weak story and a bunch of fetch quests
Zoey has the weak story, but instead of fetch quests, players are required to play a minigame repeatedly (no less than five times) to progress. Now, let me just be clear on this: I don’t automatically think a story aimed at girls is bad, but the story in this game has so little substance to it that it serves only to create some semblance of fitting into the plot of the TV show. In the end, it only serves to have the player running around repetitive areas trying to collect items or talk to the next person about the lost homework assignment or get ready for the party to meet the cute guy or… whatever. At least I can give extra points to this game for including an “arcade” mode that lets you skip to the minigames without having to deal with any of this unnecessary stuff.
3. Graphics and sound are an afterthought.
Really, all the game’s creators need to do is give the player some kind of reminder that the game is based on the license they enjoy, and since the player in this case is somewhat young and naïve, the reminder doesn’t need to be very big. In this case, the graphics are simple (albeit at least they’re not repulsive), the character designs are cartoony, and the animations are minimal. And the sound, as well, is undercooked, and seems to indicate the effort put into it is just bare minimum.
4. Cut corners when possible.
No cartridge save. Hooray for soulless commercialism!
Things like “depth” and “pacing” are given no consideration here, and that means that boredom sets in very quickly. That’s ultimately because, with rare exception, girl games aren’t games – they’re cynical commercial enterprises that seek to take advantage of an audience that doesn’t know any better. Hopefully now you know better, and if you don’t want some innocent little girl to hate videogames forever, get them Wario Ware or The Sims or a Mario or Sonic game. And if they really like the TV show, just get them a DVD.
| What Works | Score |
|---|---|
| + Based on some TV show your kids might have seen | 4.0 |
| What Doesn't | |
|
- Less than a dozen half-baked minigames - No cartridge save - Unimpressive graphics and completely forgettable sound |
|
| Under the Shrink-wrap | |
| Zoey 101 is a shallow minigame collection that your kid will get bored with within an hour, even if they watch the show it's based on. Get them a good game instead. | |
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Tags: Zoey 101
Posted by Jake McNeill on Apr 30th, 2007 and is filed under GBA Reviews, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can post a comment, or trackback from your own site.
