Bratz: Forever Diamondz review
Ummmmm…
Tags: BRATZ: Forever Diamondz Categories: Game Cube Reviews, PS2 Reviews, Reviews
Posted by Jake McNeill on Oct 25th, 2006
| Title | Players | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| BRATZ: Forever Diamondz (title page) | 1 | ||
| Developer | Publisher | Genre | Online |
| Action | No | ||
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Bratz: Forever Diamondz for the PS2 and GameCube may very well be the hardest game I have ever had to review. Let me put that comment in context: most of the time, the really tough games to review are ones that have me conflicted – I like the game, but something about it bugs me. Other times, a game that’s enjoyable in and of itself isn’t quite as impressive when compared to the rest of the market. And then there are occasions where a game just plain sucks, and I know it sucks, yet I just can’t put it down.
However, I had a hard time reviewing Bratz: Forever Diamondz for a completely different reason: I simply could not find the gameplay. For six year-old girls and parents reading this review, let me clarify a little – I can’t find the part of this game where you actually… well, play. There’s all kinds of little activities and distractions, but nothing I saw really qualifies as a “game”, even a bad one.
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The game places you in the role(s) of the four titular Bratz as they compete in a fashion competition. Surprisingly, this entails a lot of… um, fashion. You’ll take pictures, design tee-shirts, put on makeup, and for some reason you’ll be taking care of a pet too. More than anything, though, you’ll be running from place to place, a slave to the whims of the various characters.
“Oh, we should go check out the latest fashions at the clothing store!”
Walk, walk, walk…
“Oh! Let’s get something sweet to eat at the candy shop!”
Walk, walk, walk…
“Oh! We should take photos in three specific locations, coincidentally spread throughout the area!”
Walk, walk, walk…
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It’s like being dragged around on a leash by your six year-old girlfriend. And let me just say that I haven’t done that since I was… like, fifteen. (I kid! I kid!). Seriously, though, before long, it seems like the game is little more than running errands disguised as a prepubescent girl’s fantasy. In most girl games, you’d at least have flimsy puzzle games or a half-hearted Dance Dance Revolution clone (and to be fair, there may be one farther in where I haven’t had the patience to explore), but here the entire game seems to consist of walking around doing whatever the brat you’re controlling wants you to.
It wouldn’t be quite so bad if the characters didn’t walk at a snail’s pace (or if the rollerblades they can strap on actually made them go faster, as the game’s characters seem to think). It would also be nice if the controls didn’t cause the girls to walk around sloppily as if they were drunk. Not having to put up with load times every five seconds would also be appreciated. Oh, and if you could actually move the camera up and down to look at the names of the stores you’ve been instructed to visit, that would be nice too.
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As long as we’re at it, the graphics could have used a lot more work too. I understand that the Bratz characters are supposed to look freakishly hideous, but I’d imagine that the bland textures, the crappy animation, and the low-poly models probably aren’t intentional.
And, for the record, because there’s bound to be some little girl who cares – the options for designing clothes and makeup are pretty crappy, too. Seriously, if you’re the parent of a girl who digs fashion stuff, get her some permanent markers and some cheap white tee-shirts from Wal-Mart. The resulting artistic creation is virtually guaranteed to be more satisfying than the design tools offered here. Even MS Paint gives you more to work with than this.
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I suppose, if you wanted to say something redeeming about the game, it’s worth mention that the sound seems to be decent. There’s numerous “girl power”-type songs (ugh) if you’re into that kinda’ thing, and all of the dialogue in the game is voice-acted, and competently at that. So… if you’re a six year-old blind girl who likes fashion, I’m sure you’ll think this game is absolutely fantastic.
At this point, it’s not like I expect genius from “girl games”. Heck, with your average girl game, anything that doesn’t turn to pure boredom after fifteen minutes would be something of an improvement. However, at the very least, I’d expect a girl game to have some sort of… game… you know?
| What Works | Score |
|---|---|
| + Well, some effort seems to have been put into the sound, at least. | 1.5 |
| What Doesn't | |
|
- Heh heh heh... Okay, where's Ashton? I AM being "Punk'd", right? - Wait, are you serious? Wh-where's the game in this game? - Walk, walk, walk... - Nope, no game here! But I did find horrible load times, crappy controls, a terrible camera, and a pair of in-line skates that doesn't seem to work. - Walk, walk, walk... - No game here, either. Just some crappy graphics and some really pathetic fashion editing tools. - Walk, walk, walk... |
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| Under the Shrink-wrap | |
| Don't. | |
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Tags: BRATZ: Forever Diamondz
Posted by Jake McNeill on Oct 25th, 2006 and is filed under Game Cube Reviews, PS2 Reviews, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can post a comment, or trackback from your own site.
