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Zoey 101: Field Trip Fiasco

Over the years, I’ve kinda’ become Dignews’ “girl game” reviewer. I don’t know how it started, but now, any game featuring Mary-Kate and Ashley, touting “hot fashions” as a feature, or sporting box art heavy on hot pink and baby blue… it all goes to me. As you can imagine, in a situation like that, it’s hard to keep from getting cynical after a while.

If you’re a parent looking into getting a game for your girl, or simply just not a big gamer, let me explain. There are certain types of videogames that are kind of unofficially “cursed”. Games in these certain genres just usually aren’t very good. Games based on TV shows are almost always bad. Games specifically aimed for kids are usually so bad even kids won’t play them for more than ten minutes. And girl games, well, they make it obvious why so few girls become serious gamers. I mean, really, if you want to raise your girl to hate videogames, get her a few girl games. And a girl game based on an afternoon TV show, well, that’s pretty much a guaranteed bad game trifecta.

Why start a review like this? I just want to send a message to those reading. This game? I’ve seen it before, many, many times. It’s been called That’s So Raven! And You Go, Girl! and The Diary of Some Girl Whose Name I Can’t Remember. Heck, not too long ago, I even saw it in yet another game bearing the Zoey 101 license, which was a completely different game, and yet… The details change here and there, but the game stays the same. So maybe for you, this is a new thing, but for me, this is old hat. Here’s how it works:

1. Start with some ridiculously simple minigames
This will be a series of games where you generally only use the D-pad and one of the buttons at a time, or something comparably simple. This often includes sports, some school-themed games, some stuff about fashion and pets, sometimes a Tetris-esque puzzle game, and there is always, always, always some sort of Dance Dance Revolution/Simon Says ripoff. However, refreshingly here, I can’t tell you which of these minigames make a reappearance in Zoey 101: Field Trip Fiasco. Why? Well, let me go on to…

2. Tie it together with a weak story and a bunch of fetch quests
Let me just be clear on this: I don’t automatically think a story aimed at girls is bad, but the story in this game has so little substance to it that it serves only to create some semblance of fitting into the plot of the TV show, with this game’s story having to do with a field trip to a national park. In the end, it’s only there for the sake of having the player running around trying to collect items or talk to the next person about the lost miscellaneous item or get ready for the field trip or… whatever.

Now, normally, this element of the gameplay is just something to grease the wheels to stretch out the minigames. However, Zoey 101: Field Trip Fiasco has made this grease the main course. You want to know why I can’t tell you about the minigames? I can’t get to them. I know they’re there – they’re on the box art! But I’ve been playing for what seems like hours, and all I’ve seen is fetch quest after fetch quest after fetch quest. Sometimes the fetch quests are timed, sometimes I need to get more than one item or fetch the same thing multiple times, and sometimes I’m not even told where the thing I’m looking for is (a huge pain given that the school takes forever to traverse and the map doesn’t show where anyone or anything is), but as far as I can tell, the gameplay in this game is pretty much always a pattern of A) Talk to a friend of Zoey’s with a ‘?’ over their head, B) Talk to the person that has what they want, C) performing some fetch quest-related task for the second person so they’ll give you the item, D) Talk to them when you’re done to get the item, E) Give the item to the friend.

This is what we gamers call “extremely boring”.

3. Graphics and sound are an afterthought.
Really, all the game’s creators need to do is give the player some kind of reminder that the game is based on the license they enjoy, and since the player in this case is somewhat young and naïve, the reminder doesn’t need to be very big. In this case, the graphics are simple 3D, the character designs are ugly and simplistic, and the animations are only a small step above stick figures. There are even some obvious graphical issues, like shadows that hang a foot or two above the ground that your character essentially wades through. The sound, as well, is undercooked, and seems to indicate the effort put into it is just bare minimum.

4. Cut corners whenever possible
I suppose I must give credit to the developers that you save your game instead of using passwords. But, c’mon, your map could at least show what your goals are!

Things like “depth” and “pacing” are given no consideration in girl games, but here things are taken a step further because “gameplay” seems to be something nearly nonexistant, and that means that boredom sets in very quickly. Ultimately, with rare exception, girl games aren’t games – they’re cynical commercial enterprises that seek to take advantage of an audience that doesn’t know any better. As it happens, Zoey 101: Field Trip Fiasco takes this notion to a whole new level by actually removing the part of the game that could be considered a “game”.

Trust me – if you don’t want some innocent little girl to hate videogames forever, get them Wario Ware or The Sims or a Mario or Sonic game. And if they really like the TV show, just get them a DVD.

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Tags: Zoey 101

Posted by Jake McNeill on Oct 9th, 2007 and is filed under DS Reviews, Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can post a comment, or trackback from your own site.

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