Monk's Blog
Dear Videogames
Dear Videogame Industry,
Harder does not necessarily equal better.
No, I’m not referring Demon’s Souls, the difficulty is inherent in the gameplay. Instead, this is a long-standing complaint that I have, and many others do as well, they just don’t say anything. I’m saying something.
There are a number of ways which difficulty is poorly used. One of the most blatant and pervasive is the varying degree of difficulty within a game, as well as within a level. When a certain section simply increases the difficulty to prolong the gameplay time, it comes across as lazy development. Spending two hours trying to figure out how to defeat an early boss in a game only to have the next two fall in less than 5 minutes is wrong.
Of course some games ramp up the difficulty level of the game steadily, which is appropriate, especially when the player’s in-game character gains skills and abilities to overcome these enemies.
Sometimes a whole level will abruptly become more difficult. This is especially irritating because these types of levels stick out distinctly from the rest of the game, especially when the game afterwards turns back to its regular difficulty.
I have no problem with difficult bosses at the end of levels, but not being able to save the game before these battles is a crime. Especially offensive is when the boss suddenly and inexplicably has their health bar refilled while the player doesn’t. It is again, a cheap tactic that smacks of lazy programming.
None of this is to say that hard games don’t have a place on shelves. There’s nothing wrong with having a good challenge, but when it’s poorly implemented, it’s just… wrong.
An Update On Updates
You may have noticed a severe drop in the rate of blog posts as of late. Then again, maybe not. Either way, the fact remains that I haven’t had the chance over the last couple of months to spend the extra time to write up about my life and what has been going on as well as my general opinions of the videogame and home video industries. It isn’t for lack of anything to say, simply a matter of time.
At the beginning of September I began a new job as a Crossing Guard. It takes only a couple of hours a day, but since I’m the only one updating Digital Entertainment News on a daily basis, those are a couple of hours that I usually spent working on the website. Between my new position placing myself in the middle of the road as well as taking care of the children at home there’s only a certain amount of time I have to update the website.
It should be noted that this is not a “whiny” post, because I’m not full of self-pity or anything of the sort. I actually enjoy the time spent being a crossing guard, and find it to be the most rewarding stuff (other than being a parent) I’ve done in a long time.
With a reduced set of time to work on the website, I have to arrange my priorities a little differently. Between posting the daily news and spending time to write up some reviews, my day is full. Actually, the couple of hours I have dedicated to keeping children and their families safe as they go to and from school prevents me from getting as much writing done as I have previously, let alone adding new stuff such as blog posts.
So what’s my solution? I’ve decided to take a day off every once in a while to catch up on stuff that I’ve lost time for. With over 10 hours a week gone from working on the website, I need to make up for it somehow, otherwise I’m not only going to simply get further behind, but also completely stressed out, which isn’t a good thing. So now I’ll be taking a day and instead of updating the website I’ll use that time to play games and videos for review as well as get some more writing accomplished.
It’s a decision that I’m quite happy with, and hopefully the end result will benefit website.
Oh, I’m well aware that I have some contributors who also turn in reviews, but they are just that – contributors and not staff members. Heck, I had to pick up a part time job on my own to keep the lights on (so to speak) so it’s not like I can be paying these people.
Lost Journal – The Kate Hate
I hate Kate.
Watching the third season of Lost really solidifies why over the first two seasons this one character just never sat right with me. I’m not talking about liking or disliking har character on the series, but how the character is written. She isn’t evil or good, but simply uncommitted to one course of action or another.
Yes, she is tough and can kick some serious when the occasion arises, but she keeps trying to “have it both ways” by showing interest in two men and expecting them both to be committed to her exclusively. During the flashbacks we see this time and again where she keeps making poor choices over and over again, despite the fact that she knows better. Because the character consciously makes bad decisions she is a pain to watch.
By now, if you haven’t been watching Lost, I would expect that you’re not reading much of these blogs. What follows will be a bit of a spoiler for those that haven’t watched any of the series. Actually, I’m going to go into some real spoilers for one episode as an illustration of my disdain for the character.
One episode in the third season deals mostly with Kate, who was on the run from the FBI. Throughout the series we get flashbacks of her character when she is on the run and wants to stop and have a normal life. To this end, she actually does it. The FBI agent even gives her a bit of a free pass if she can keep her head down and stop running he won’t keep looking for her. At the end of the episode (in the flashback) she leaves her comfortable life and heads back out on the run. No explanation is ever given as to why she does this. None.
Actually, quite a lot of the third season seems to play out like this, at least initially. The first half of the season especially seems to simply drag on a bit with a lot less activity and forward movement. Sure, we get some character development, but in a show that is as plot intensive as Lost is, the forward movement is essential.
That’s what the character of Kate lacks – forward movement.
PAX 09 Day 3 (Part 2)
You know what sucks? Standing in line at PAX and waiting 20 minutes to play a game in order to preview it only to find out that it is due to be released in less than a week. This happened several times, and the final straw was Bethesda’s Wet. Having missed E3 this year I really was out of the loop as far as what games are coming when. I saw this game as playable in Bethesda’s booth and was intrigued by the gameplay – completely over the top like a Quentin Tarrantino film, reminiscent of Total Overdose from a couple of years previous (I even thought this might be a sequel for the first minute or so. The game looks to be great fun, and I’m sorry I hadn’t been able to see it before.
The last day of the 2009 Penny Arcade Expo was a bit of a mixed bag, comparatively. More standing in line for things, a few more appointments, and then the day was over before I knew it.
I left PAX with a good feeling this year, which I hadn’t the year before. Part of this was due to the way the convention center was laid out, such as having the Penny Arcade merchandise booth outside of the exhibition hall. Traditionally that booth has always had such a huge line that it blocked massive amounts of traffic, and this simple move allowed things to move much more smoothly as far as the crowds were concerned.
My only regret this year was not getting to check out more of the tabletop gaming. One game from Privateer Press looked like a lot of fun – Monsterocalypse. It is one of those collectable miniatures style of games, but the theme here is the Japanese style of big rubber suited monsters and heroes. If I had a massive amount of money to buy a complete set (as well as somebody to play the game with) I would be tempted to pick it up.
One of these years at PAX I’m going to get into a D&D game. Dungeons & Dragons was how I was first introduced to gaming, back when there were red and blue box sets (which I still have somewhere downstairs) and it is the game that is still very close to my heart.
PAX East was announced, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to attend. It’s over a weekend in March that I may just not be able to leave home what with school schedules for both my wife (who is getting her degree for teaching) and my kids. I hope it’s a success. This year’s was less crowded, but that may have been a logistical illusion than an actual reflection on attendance. It was easy to get from place to place, and the feel this year was more jovial and celebratory. Maybe it was my own mood, but PAX this year was fun, and I look forward to more.
Pax 09 Day 3 (Part 1)
I was able to bring August and Déla to PAX this year for a couple of hours. They were interested in seeing what it is that I do and what was taking me away from the house for so long, and they were at an age where it seemed like they could handle a couple of hours of crowd and flishing lights.
I had told them both about some of the stuff going on at the Penny Arcade Expo, such as lots of people playing games, but what really caught their attention was the fact that people dressed up in costume. They thought that would be fun, so they decided to dress up in costume. August wore his Pikachu outfit and Déla her Care Bear. These costumes were originally for Halloween a couple of years ago, so they don’t fit as well as they used to, but the kids made them work.
Along with the costumes come the photographs. I had told them that people would want to take their picture, but they weren’t really prepared for it to actually happen. I think they were pretty overwhelmed with the whole PAX environment, so people asking to take their picture was just part of the overall assault on their senses.
At 6 years old, August has only played one videogame. He’s done some of those online mini-games that come on a website that are associated with the likes of SpongeBob Squarepant’s official website, but those aren’t real games. Instead, he played a Go Diego Go videogame for about 20 minutes before getting bored. He likes the idea of videogames, but the reality is far less exciting. He still has good memories of playing the game with his father, so his excitement level was quite high.
Déla, on the other hand, has never played a videogame. At 4, she really is too young, especially for those games on display at PAX. Still, she was excited about not being left behind and participating in… something.
I actually had an appointment right as the event opened for the day, so I couldn’t just go in and show my kids the lay of the land and help them get their bearings. There were two rules I game August & Déla. The first was to stay next to me. I told them I should always be able to reach out and hold their hand unless otherwise directed to stay next to somebody else or to go somewhere, etc. The second rule was that they needed to ask me before touching anything, even if the booth worker says it is alright for them to grab a controller or whatever it is, they need to get my permissions.
With these ground rules in play, we left the car and went into the convention center. Almost immediately people wanted to take their picture. It was quite gratifying as a parent, oddly enough. We didn’t even get into the expo hall and already they had their picture taken several times.
Fortunately my first appointment was to look at Hello Kitty Online. Sure, it may sound hokey, but it’s not a bad game. August and Déla liked clicking around and exploring the world on one computer while I met and chatted with the company getting a deeper look than my son and daughter were able to. They were really nice, and Déla was completely enamored with the Hello Kitty swag.
I then passed off my next meeting to Mike, so I could spend some time just walking around and looking at stuff. More pictures were taken of August and Déla. We checked out a few games and made our way to CDV’s booth, so that I could say hello to Ted (one of the PR folks I’m friendly with) as well as introduce him to my kids. Turns out he had taken a picture of them while they were at the Hello Kitty booth without realizing they were my children. He saw them, but didn’t see me (my back was turned) and thought they were cute enough for a picture.
Then it was time for mom to pick them up. While they were only there for a couple of hours, they had fun, August more than Déla, because she was ready to leave, but August was a little disappointed he wasn’t able to stay the whole day. Maybe next year.
Hooked Up
Yesterday I woke up at 3:00 in the morning, and on purpose. Then I woke up August. You know how bad it feels to have to wake up a 6 year old that early and keep them awake? Ugh.
Part of the official diagnosis process for August (who may have a very mild form of Cerebral Palsy) is to get an EEG. In order for this to take place and be effective, he needs to fall asleep during the test. Unfortunately because his test is at 2 in the afternoon, we need to sleep deprive him so that he’ll be tired enough to fall asleep.
Last night we stayed up until 10 at night, which is fine for many kids, as well as Laura and I as August’s parents, but since he normally has a bedtime around 7 to 7:30, that was sort of a big deal. It was a big treat for him to be able to stay up late and watch a movie with just his parents, but it was a bit rough, especially as the film began winding its way to the conclusion.
What do you do with a 6 year old at 3 in the morning if you want him to stay awake? Well, we have DirecTV, and one of the networks is PBS Kids Sprout. A 3 hour block of programming is framed around the Wiggles. August and I sat up and watched this engaging (for kids) set of shows, such as Bob the Builder, Thomas the Tank Engine, The Night Jungle, and a healthy dose of The Wiggles sprinkled throughout.
My plan was to get a bunch of work done, writing up some of the stuff from the 2009 Penny Arcade Expo. I have plenty of previews to finish up and edit, then post. Unfortunately after coming off of a long weekend during which I was tired, and getting half the sleep I normally do last night, it was all I could do to stay awake and help August stay awake.
There was plenty of stuff I wanted to do, but the primary concern was with keeping August awake for his EEG. He stayed awake and was in good spirits all morning, even though it was difficult. It would have been easy to simply complain about being tired, but August goes through life with a great humor and positive attitude, and that carried over to this morning. Sure, he enjoyed watching more television in one 24 hour period than he usually does in a week, but he is such a good natured child that we could have been reading stories the whole time and he would have been just as happy. I didn’t do that, however, because it would have been harder to stay awake.
It was much easier to keep August awake as the day wore on, and more people woke up in the house. First up was Ciárán, and the three of us ran an errand dropping something off at the post office. Then Déla woke as did mom, and breakfast was had. Then some playtime, and stories, and some other generic activities.
I wasn’t able to take August to the appointment itself, but apparently it went well. August has always been a trooper, and this seemed to be no exception. They connected 25 electrodes to his head, which was reportedly a process in and of itself. Then they conducted some tests on him, such as having him count to 50, short term memory stuff, all to get a baseline. Then they let him sleep. While he slept, they read his brainwave patterns, then he was woken up after only 20 minutes. The full connection of wires and electrodes and whatnot were still on him as he woke up to read his brain activity while transitioning from sleep to wake. It was, however, difficult to get him to wake up. A couple of short tests later, and the boy was allowed to return home.
Naturally, August was in a bit of a bad mood, he had been awake since 3 in the morning after only a few hours of sleep, and when he was allowed to go back to sleep, it was only for 20 minutes. It should be noted that this is the kid that goes to bed about 7:00 or 7:30 and wakes up at 7:00 in the morning. He normally gets about 11 to 12 hours of sleep, so he was really on his last nerve and over tired.
An early(ish) bed time and he was much better this morning, ready for a full day of Kindergarten. We haven’t gotten the results, and don’t expect them until sometime late next week.
PAX 09 Cosplay
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PAX 09 Day 2
For me, the second day of PAX started out less harsh than my colleague. I decided to head home and get some rest while Mike and Michelle stuck around and caught some of the musical acts. If I didn’t have so much going on at home, I may have checked out some of this year’s musical offerings, but between the first week of school for August, Déla being sick, and just the ages of the kids, there was only so much I could do. So, I didn’t crawl in at 2:30 in the morning and then need to get up several hours later for meetings. I actually got a decent night’s sleep.
The day started off with a round of Beatles: Rock Band (“Can’t Buy Me Love” – I tried the bass on medium difficulty and found that to be a bit of a challenge) then off to my first appointment. I saw a number of games this day, including I [heart] Geeks, a DS game by CDV. I had seen the game before, but now I got to see it in action with the newly applied Mark Ecko artwork. It looks good, and the puzzles are still challenging and fun.
I also saw Alpha Protocol, which I walked away from with mixed feelings. I spend well over an hour and a half with it, so I got a good sense of how the game will play. There seemed to be more action and less RPG elements than I was expecting. I’ll have to sit down and work on my preview for that one and really gather my thoughts.
There’s a lot more cosplay this year. It’s nice to see, actually. There were groups of people in themed costumes, such as a Team Fortress 2 group. More children were present, as in actual kids, young kids, like some of the people who perhaps were at the first PAX, met, fell in love, and had kids of their own and are now attending the event as a family.
I made it to one panel this year, and didn’t make it to any of the tabletop stuff. That was a bit of a disappointment, but ultimately the fact that I had waited until the last minute really helped because that meant not as many appointments. I wasn’t booked solid wall to wall, but I didn’t have huge gaps either – there was some breathing room which was nice. That breathing room allowed me to not be so rushed in my day.
The day ended with me going home a little earlier than expected, but not by much. After dinner we went to an event and hung around longer than we should have. I went home and Mike & Michelle went off to see the musical offering. The event was a little lackluster, just because of the way it was set up, and it wasn’t the company’s fault, but has more to do with Washington’s weird liquor laws and the layout of the venue.
PAX 09 Day 1
The day started much later than I had hoped – at 6a.m.
I wanted to get up earlier in order to get caught up on some work before heading down to the 2009 Penny Arcade Expo. The website had gotten a few glitches the night before, so I couldn’t finish the day’s work. My hope was that things would be fixed when I woke up so I could not only finish the previous day’s work, but also get a jump on the day ahead.
Unfortunately, not only did I wake up later than I had hoped, but the website was not fixed. Not only that, but after 12 hours after waking up the website was not only still “broken” but no visible timeline for having it go back to “normal” operations.
After getting a few things done, I took care of a few routine matters at home, such as getting August off to school, changing diapers on Ciárán, etc. After finally getting to PAX I decided to take a different tactic this year – I’m not going to preview every game available, but simply check out what’s on offer and see what’s cool. I’ll still write up some previews, but not evry game will get the full treatment if it doesn’t need it. I mean, do I need to write up a preview of Katamari Forever? I mean, really, if you’re unfamiliar with the Katamari style of gameplay, just pick up one of the games because they are very fun, but this upcoming PS3 title is more of the same for the most part, and the stuff that is new that the hardcore fans are interested in knowing that differentiates this came from its predecessors is either negligible or already in tho press release (or you could wait for the review).
I did check out games – like Uncharted 2: Among Thieves. I played the first game, and feel that most of this game is more of the same, with a couple of new moves thrown in to the mix. I’m looking forward to it. I also checked out Beatles: Rock Band, and am very glad I put down a pre-order. I was also able to check in with a number of public relations folks that I hadn’t seen in a long time, so that was nice.
Another tactic that I employed this year was a designated lunch break. Not only did it help to break up the day, but it also helped my sanity for a number of reasons. Getting away from the crowd was nice, as well as the flashing lights and noise. Relieving myself of the (granted, artificial) pressure of having to see everything and write up a preview for it, put me in a much better mood, and much more amenable to those titles I did see.
There were a few appointments I hit, but this new strategy of actually going around and enjoying the show allowed me to get in line and play Beatles: Rock Band. No, I’m not going to write up a preview for it (it’s Rock Band, but with the greatest rock and roll band on Earth) but instead I did it for the t-shirt they were giving away as well as to dip my toe back into the genre. Before Rock Band: Unplugged on the PSP, the last game of similar nature I played was Guitar Hero II.
Tomorrow (at least as I write this) will be more of the same, a mixture of appointments and wandering around and seeing what I like. Hopefully this will include some tabletop stuff. As far as you, the reader, are concerned, I can’t say when “tomorrow” will actually be since the website is not functional and I am unable to fix it myself. While the people responsible for actually working on the website to keep it up and running are doing their best, there is only so much they can do at any given time. I fervently hope that the website will be operational tomorrow, which is Saturday, so that I don’t fall too far behind in the coverage.
Right now, I just need some sleep.
Back To The Island
With summer pretty much over, the schedule in our house is shifting. Summer programming has pretty much ended, and the new fall season has yet to start. It is at this point that that we decided to start up watching Lost again.
The third season starts off with a bang, literally, as the plane crashes on the island. This time, the perspective that we see is completely new. It’s been a couple of months since we’ve seen the show, having wrapped up the second season and needing a break from marathon viewing of one single series.
I’ve missed the island, and am glad to be watching Lost again. These first couple of episodes dealt mostly with the Others and the events that followed the second season’s events – and this is where some minor spoilers come in. If you haven’t seen the first two seasons of Lost yet, please do so before reading onward.
Ben is a creepy character. As the apparent leader of the other group of humans living on the island, he seems to wield a large amount of power, and through a … well, it’s just creepy. Why are these people on the island? What do they want with Jack, Sawyer and Kate?
After a couple of episodes we transfer the focus back to the main camp and the aftermath of what happened with the whole “don’t push the button” affair. And there’s some polar bear action, which made me cheer. Literally. Yeah, I’m looking forward to watching the rest of season 3, and I don’t care if there’s nothing but questions so far.
Updates? What Updates?
Today was a busy day. The morning was filled with stuff relating to the first day of school. It went off much better than we had expected. While August was in school, Laura had a meeting to attend, so I had care of Ciárán and Déla. We went to the mall to run a few errands and returned home in time to pick up August. Since it was only a half day of school, we all had lunch at home and went over how things went.
After lunch, Ciárán went down for nap and August had his penultimate speech therapy session. Déla, however, watched some television (Yo Gabba Gabba and Wow Wow Wubzy for those interested). During this time I was able to fire up the computer and check email as well as get down some initial thoughts on this first day of school. That blog entry took on a life of its own and went in a completely different direction than I had intended.
After a while it became apparent that I was going to be unable to actually get a full day’s work in, so I abandoned the idea of trying. I still sorted through email, worked on a couple of reviews, and a few other “housekeeping” items, but posting the news seemed like a losing proposition. All of this week, really, is going to be like that. Tomorrow, Tuesday, will be another weird off and on day for me, but I’ll be able to better concentrate on posting news, so from the front end of the website it will seem like business as usual.
What’s going on the rest of this week? Today, obviously was school starting. Tuesday Mike, one of the writers for this esteemed digital publication, will be arriving in Seattle to attend the 2009 Penny Arcade Expo, which starts on Friday. I’ll head down to the airport and pick him up, which of course will take up some time. Before that, however, we have to get August to school, which means dealing with our new schedule which we are still learning and adjusting to.
While Mike is here, there are a few tourist activities that he will want to participate in. He’s been to the Penny Arcade Expo before, but each time it has been a fairly quick “in and out” affair with very little time to take in some of the sights here. This time he and his girlfriend Michelle are arriving a couple of days ahead of PAX to get some touristy time in. Wednesday will involve school and helping out Mike (and possibly even enjoying things myself).
Thursday things get a little weird, as Mike & Michelle will still be in tourist mode, but few also have to attend a couple of PAX events. Activision is holding a preview event for a couple of titles before PAX, which is somewhat annoying. At least it is being held at the same place where we pick up our badges. Unfortunately this is all happening at the same time as the “back to school” barbeque at August’s school is taking place.
All of this of course doesn’t take into account any of the ordinary events that take place during the week, such as dance class.
By the time Friday rolls around, Mike and I will be in full on PAX coverage mode. There will be no regular update to the website on Friday, but I plan on getting something posted, but I’m not sure what yet.
So what does this all mean for you as a reader of Digital Entertainment News? Well, look for “regular” updates Tuesday and Thursday this week, with sporadic updates over the weekend for PAX coverage. Don’t worry, you won’t miss anything – as usual, if something important happens you’ll hear about here… eventually.
Back To School
Today was the first day of school for August. He started Kindergarten and there are all sorts of emotions going on. There’s excitement about the new beginning, as well as being nervous about starting a new school with new people.
I’m glad that he’s going, not because I will finally get some much needed time to get work done, because that’s not going to happen until Déla starts pre-school next week. Even then, with my new job as a crossing guard my time is going to be limited and cut into some weird chunks.
No, I’m glad he’s started because there is only so much anticipation and build-up that can be handled by a child before they shut down. August was kept busy over the summer with a few day camps and other activities, so he never just sat around. Always in the background, however, was the specter of a new school. Having gone to an endless series of new schools growing up, virtually one every year until high school, I understand the trepidation about facing other kids that are unfamiliar, along with foreign procedures, regulations, etc.
We decided to send August to Catholic school for a number of reasons, but one of the biggest had to do with funding. The Seattle Public School system has a funding problem. I know that nearly every school district faces the same issue, but having gone through the public education system myself and falling through the cracks, as well as dealing with it for a number of years with my oldest son, and the problems we saw, we figured if we could avoid it, we would.
Every year, there’s a juggling act within the public education system for enough funding. Class size and resources are constant issues that are coming up – throughout the school year even. While the core education is decent enough, you never know from year to year if there is going to be enough money to fund the music program, or maintain the class size (that is always expanding) and supplies. This isn’t to even address the issue of “dead wood” that … well, I could go on and on about the problems with the public school system. I’m still a believer in it, and will always vote to support it, but the year to year fluctuations were something we decided as a family to avoid.
Where August is going to school, there aren’t as many “bells and whistles” as one might find in a public elementary school – but many of those fun features would also be the first ones cut (and have been) due to budget constraints. The Catholic school doesn’t have these issues as it simply provides the same quality education year after year after year. That’s not to say it is a simple, “bare bones” style education, but that it focuses on the necessities and makes sure they are always covered. Sure, there’s tuition, but the point is that our child have the best education possible.
Besides, the school is a block away.
August looked great in his school uniform. There were some issues as to what to wear, partly because the uniform isn’t exactly a uniform, but more of a dress code. This allows for a wider variation in what is allowable, and with that comes a greater questionability. Does this shirt meet the standards? Do these pants? Which shirt and pants combination are the dress uniform and which is not? We got it all sorted out, and took August to the classroom this morning.
Upon returning home this morning, he gave a report as to how things went. Well, as much as he was able to. There were 6 children at his table (including him) and one of them he knew. They went over a few of the class rules, introduced themselves, and spent some time getting their bearings. August also said they had recess, but he didn’t have much fun because he didn’t really know what to do and it was over really quick. Such is the half day schedule.
As the week goes on he’ll get more comfortable with his new surroundings. Déla wanted to wear her own backpack to school to drop off and pick up August, even though she isn’t starting her own school yet. She was just caught up in the excitement of it all. Her enthusiasm may have helped August be a little braver in facing this new challenge.
Now if somebody could just help me get through this scheduling challenge…
Phamily Foto Phriday
Yes, I know I haven’t been the most prompt in getting these weekly photo sessions posted. Heck, I even completely skipped the last couple of weeks. Part of the goal with implimenting this series was to give me a genuine reason to keep taking more pictures of my children and post things on a more regular basis. I’m not going to make false promises and say that these lapses will never happen again. That would be lying to myself and you.
The last few weeks have been rough, with my cousin’s death, my oldest son’s visit, birthdays, applying to be a crossing guard, etc. Naturally, I didnt’ take nearly as many pictures of these events as I should have – if I took any at all. I offer up for this week instead pictures of my three youngest from last winter during one of our various snowstorms.
Complain Complain Complain
I’m supposed to have a blog post a few times a week, but lately all I can think about writing is how nobody is even going to read this. Then things start turning into a “poor me” type of deal where I whine about how nobody is reading the website. I don’t want to be that kind of guy, so I let those posts slip by.
Then over the last few weeks, I’ve applied to become a Crossing Guard which would allow me the time to continue working on the website, a well as volunteer in my son’s classroom occasionally. It’s a long process that really isn’t as exciting as you might think. Although at the orientation there was coffee and donuts!
I wanted to start blogging about how August is going into Kindergarten next week. There’s a lot of anxiety around that and excitement around that. Déla will be one of the “big kids” at the pre-school with her brother gone over the coming year, so you would think that there was some great fodder around that.
August is also in the process of losing his first tooth. I could have a couple of posts about how this has been going – such as how long it is taking, how I am creeped out by a wiggly tooth, and even some of the arguments my wife and I have gotten into. Yes, arguments, over a lose tooth. Apparently I am trying to set a land speed record for being lame.
The truth is, however, that I’m discouraged by the lack of comments on any of my blog posts, and I wonder if anybody is actually reading. So, yes, this did turn into one of “those posts” where I whine about how nobody is reading – but I take solace in that I won’t be boring many people.
No, don’t post a comment here because now you feel obligated. That’s not the point. I just needed a moment to complain. My apologies.
20/800
Where I live it is one block away from an elementary school which shares an intersection with our church. The church happens to have a school, which is where my six year old will be attending Kindergarten in just over a week. A few months ago I heard that the crossing guard position for that intersection was opening up. I figured this would be a decent job for me, because it would allow me to still have time to work on the website, but still earn some money (because the website isn’t earning any) as well as have time available to volunteer in the classroom.
Turns out the position is through the Seattle Police Department. This meant a background check which seemed to take months longer than necessary. Family, friends, neighbors, etc. all answered questions and whatever else was needed. I could probably discuss at length some of the issues surrounding the background check, but with no criminal past and my illegal drug use behind me, the only disqualifier would be my personality, and I don’t want to talk about that today. Besides, I passed, so apparently nothing is wrong with how I conduct myself (that can be proven).
After passing (finally) the background check I went in for a physical. The hearing test showed signs of diminished range in the upper frequencies – which is not surprising considering how much I abused my ears in my 20’s while trying to be a musician. Nothing was out of “normal” however, so that passed. Then the urine test, which I passed. Height and weight (6′ 1″ 204 lb in case you’re wondering) were within limits as well.
Then we get to the vision test. If you know me, you know I wear glasses. If you know me more than casually, you know that my prescription is strong and that I can’t really see much of anything without my glasses. Well, my eyesight is actually worse than I had thought, as my vision tested out to be 20/800. I was estimating my vision to be about 20/500, but this is simply ridiculous.
I relayed the new information to my wife, who laughed and asked if I was eligible for disability. Turns out that the definition of “legally blind” is 20/200 with corrective lenses. My sight is 20/20 with glasses, so I don’t qualify, but it is rather educational to know just how severe my vision (or lack thereof) is.
Of Death And Facebook
Yesterday I found out that a relative died. I say this not to gather sympathy, but to let you know where my head is at. Monday started out like any normal day, where the kids were loud and all over the place. Of course things were scheduled for that day making it a bit less than normal, such as a photo shoot. Since Kyle is home for a visit, we wanted to get some pictures professionally done of all 4 kids. Getting them all ready and to the orchard (yes, we had the pictures taken “on location”) was a chore and a half, and between that and the photo shoot itself a full day could have been logged.
After the pictures, I had a funeral to go to. A member of my church Knights of Columbus chapter recently passed away after a long and full life, and I was attending his funeral as a member of the community. While at the funeral my cell phone went off, and thankfully it was on “vibrate” so it didn’t disturb the proceedings. I waited until the funeral was over before checking the message. It was my brother, who said something about there being some news, and I needed to call.
After calling my brother, who wasn’t there so I left a message, I got home, and found that my mother had called and left a cryptic message. I called her, and again had to leave a message. So, I jumped online to check email and see what was new on Facebook. My cousin had left a note that he had learned that morning his younger brother had died.
Yes, I found out that a relative died on Facebook.
I feel bad for a number of reasons. I hadn’t seen this cousin of mine for a few years, even though he lives in the same city as me, just a few miles away. It’s my own fault, really, I’ve been too wrapped up in my own life to see beyond my immediate family. Part of this has spilled out into my friendships as well. I’ve been a lousy friend, not contacting friends for years at a time.
My mother called me back shortly after I found out, and I got more details. Turns out my cousin, who was about 30, died of alcohol poisoning. After a party he passed out in his car and never woke up. There’s a lot of background to his situation, but nobody saw this coming.
After being a parent myself, I can only imagine what my aunt and uncle are going through. I called as soon as I could and talked to my uncle very briefly. He couldn’t talk much, but mentioned that he had thought of me since finding out the previous day. He was on his way into Seattle from several hundred miles away. I hadn’t talked to him in a couple of years either, so that simply underscores just how bad my personal situation is.
So why is it that I learned of a relative dying through an online social network instead of a phone call? Partly because of my own personal issues with staying in contact with people. It also demonstrates just how pervasive our online presence has become, sad as it may be.
History Lesson – Part 4
If you have yet to read parts 1 through 3, start at the beginning because otherwise this won’t make a lot of sense.
With small children in the house, and Kyle continuing to be unsafe and defiant, something needed to change. Since Kyle wasn’t changing his behavior, regardless of what we did, we had to remove him from the situation. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to face. He was spiraling out of control and was ruining his life. While it hadn’t gotten to a point where the police were being called in, it was very quickly getting there, and we wanted to prevent that from happening.
The decision was made to send Kyle to boarding school, but with his history of violence, it became an issue not of where we wanted to send him, but where would he be accepted. We finally found one – in Missouri.
This isn’t a boarding school in the sense that they house your kids while they attend classes, instead it is more like they are allowed the opportunity to conduct independent study while they are housed there year round. It isn’t the ideal education for anybody, let alone Kyle who is rather smart, but his safety and long-term success took precedence.
When placing him in boarding school, we had to consider the safety of the small children in our home, as well as the fact that his behavior wasn’t changing. He needed to learn how to follow the rules, whatever roles they might be, which was something he wasn’t doing at home, in school, or in society in general. It took quite a while, he’s been there 3 years now, but he’s finally beginning to follow the rules at the boarding school. He’s on track to finish school at the end of the school year, which is approximately when he would have graduated had he been able to stay in high school here.
We don’t get to see him as much as we would like, only a few times a year for a very short visit. This time it is the longest that we will have with him since being admitted to the boarding school – 10 days. No, he doesn’t get vacations. Then again, neither does the school. It’s hard, because he has to actually earn the privilege of a visit home every few months, including Christmas.
Kyle is finally beginning to accept responsibility for his actions as well as understand the consequences of them. He doesn’t necessarily agree, but he is beginning to make that connection between what he does and what happens next. This was all missing previously, and his defiant behavior only made things worse. The last few days with him home have been pleasant enough, especially because he has reached a maturity level that seems to correspond to his age (if only relatively).
These last 4 blog entries were only a very brief overview in some of the broadest strokes possible of what has been going on with Kyle. There is, of course, a lot more to the story, enough to fill a book. Seriously. I’m just happy that there is now light at the end of the tunnel as far as my oldest child is concerned.
History Lesson – Part 3
Please go back and read parts 1 and 2 before continuing on with this story.
By the time Kyle entered into middle school tension was riding high at home. Yes, he did a lot of typical teenage stuff, such as being defiant and talking snotty, but there was always this undercurrent of… something. Kyle’s attitude always had this weird twist to it that was different from other typical teenage behaviors. Part of this also stemmed from the fact that he didn’t care if he got grounded, because he had no friends to hang out with. He wasn’t picked on and shunned, but simply unable to make the connections necessary to make and keep a friend.
Kyle would have a very rough go of it during middle school. His disconnection with fellow students would manifest into overreactions of violence, eventually getting him kicked out – twice. All during this time he simply wouldn’t participate in therapy and be honest about his emotions except to say that sometimes he got angry.
Increasingly defiant, he simply refused to follow the rules at home. Several times I had caught him with my Nintendo DS after he had been grounded from playing videogames. Not only had he taken my handheld without asking, but he had lost the stylus and was using a key to play. This was just one small example of his continued defiance at home.
Summer after middle school was long and difficult. We had a tutor for Kyle, and he wound up defacing the bathroom and stealing a lunch out of the refrigerator. He still refused to fully participate in therapy. His therapist, our second, one who specialized in angry children, had mentioned that he had come across about a half dozen or so kids like Kyle and had no success with them and didn’t have any recommendations.
Laura and I had been reading a lot of books about teens and what to do with them, and over the years we only got more and more discouraged. Nothing was working. Kyle’s answer to everything was to be left alone and further withdraw from everybody. A few indications towards the end of what would be his 8th grade seemed to point towards Kyle having something called Attachment Disorder. While the only formal diagnosis Kyle had was ADD (in the second grade) everybody from school counselors to teachers to therapists seemed to have an opinion as to what Kyle had. People tossed out Bi-Polar, Autism, Asperger Syndrome, Pervasive Development Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and plenty more.
We switched therapists again, and this one who specializes in Attachment Disorder seemed to be making headway with Kyle. Of course this all came at a price. His 9th grade year would start off well enough, but quickly disintegrate into another series of incidents. He trespassed onto construction sites, lied continually about things that he didn’t need to, stole, acted defiantly, refused to follow directions from us and his teachers, and more. Eventually one of his teachers a couple of months into the school year called to say that he wasn’t doing so well because he wasn’t following directions. I remarked that whatever punishment they deemed appropriate we would back them up. Turns out he wouldn’t be able to finish the school year there.
Part 4 finishes things up over here.
History Lesson – Part 2
You really need to read part 1 of this series first.
After getting that phone call in January of 1998, Laura and I panicked. What was Kyle doing in the hospital? Why the sudden turnaround about visitation, let alone letting me take him home?
In order to keep a long story from being even longer than necessary, the short version of the story is that Kyle had been diagnosed with Autism and the birth mother simply wasn’t able to care for him. She wound up admitting him to Children’s Hospital for a two week evaluation period. The problem was that it was in a lock-down psychiatric ward and he had already been there for a week – and she hadn’t visited him.
The next week involved (in part) a lot of meetings, a lot of phone calls, convincing the hospital staff that I had never taken heroin (let alone been an addict as it said on Kyle’s admitting form), and a lot of legal back and forth about a change of custody, and plenty more. Ultimately, because I wasn’t legal custodian of Kyle at the time, I wasn’t allowed to take him home when he would be discharged. The birth mother said flatly that she would not be taking him back. If custody had not been changed, Kyle would have been placed in foster care and I may have never seen him again. Laura and I visited Kyle every day, and he became more and more comfortable around us. The custody papers were filed literally a couple of hours before Kyle was discharged, so we were able to take him home.
I won’t go into the issues dealing with school placement or whatever, but suffice to say that after a couple of months, it was clear that Kyle didn’t have Autism. Something was “off” but we couldn’t figure it out.
Elementary school progressed about as normally as one might expect for a child that came from a situation such as Kyle’s. One background check that we had performed on the birth mother yielded 15 addresses in 5 years time. The lack of stability had obviously taken its toll on the boy. Apparently it had taken its toll on the birth mother as well. In the 3rd grade she vanished again. Kyle had been seeing her regularly every couple of weeks or so for as long as she wanted, really. According to the parenting plan and schedule her visits were rather limited, but I didn’t adhere to it, instead allowing the two to have their own relationship. It wasn’t enough for her, so she left. Naturally, Kyle didn’t take it very well.
It wasn’t until about 5th grade, however, that things started to go downhill. Kyle became increasingly defiant at home. This in itself wasn’t a problem, but the fact that he wasn’t participating in therapy was indicative of a much larger problem. Turns out this larger problem was going to get much larger than anybody had imagined.
History Lesson – Part 1
Here I sit, trying to decide what to write. Do I discuss all that was both right and wrong about the theatrical G.I. Joe film I saw last night? Do I talk about how my 6 year old is enjoying the half-day sports camp this week? Do I put down some thoughts about how other parents don’t have a regular bedtime for their young children and I think it’s detrimental to their overall health?
*sigh*
I suppose I should “bite the bullet” and get some of the Kyle story out of the way. It’s a long story, as in really long and overly complicated and convoluted, so I’ll have to condense quite a bit of it. Also there’s some legal stuff that I’ll have to skim over.
The relationship that I had with his biological mother was… I think the best way to describe it is Loud And Complicated. It was a relationship that started off too quickly and quite hot, and before we knew enough about each other she was pregnant. We were together for maybe a couple of months when this happened. We knew that things weren’t working between us, but we agreed to try and work things out for the sake of our child.
One of the things that we had agreed on was that she would move out of my apartment (yes, after just a very short time she had moved in – I told you things started out too quickly) which would give us each some space to work on the relationship. Her moving out didn’t go exactly as planned, and involved her throwing stuff at me and then me kicking her out. That was the middle of June through the beginning of September.
The birth mother then vanished, and I got a letter when Kyle was born. The name she had picked out for him was not what we had agreed on, nor did we agree that she would simply skip town with our child. About a year and a half later I got another letter from her saying that certain events had happened and she wanted me to be a part of Kyle’s life. This was great. For not quite 6 months I got to be part of my son’s life – taking him to the doctor, to the park, etc.
In December of 1993 I met the woman who would be my wife. Right after I met Laura, the birth mother disappeared with Kyle again. The two events were not connected in any way, but I mention them together because that month will always be remembered as one of the roughest times in my life. I was going through a lot of other stuff (such as managing a band that got a record contract the week after they broke up) so this period of time is simply… well, it was rough.
What ensued over the next 4 years was a very long and expensive fight that involved child support through the State of Washington, trying to locate my son, drug tests(!), and a lot more.
Then, in January of 1998 Laura and I got home and there was a message on our answering machine from the birth mother that Kyle was in Children’s Hospital and we could take him if we wanted.
No Updates For Family
I’m not updating the website today. My oldest son came home for a visit. Here he is at the computer looking at information about various colleges.
I can’t believe I have a child old enough to not only consider college but to actually have to follow through and fill out various applications and make commitments and whatnot.
I don’t get to see him much because he is in boarding school. It isn’t one of those kinds where he gets to come home for vacations and whatever, it’s more like a “reform” school. He had a rough time of things and didn’t deal with his situation very well. I’m sure I’ll write about what got him sent there before too long. Actually, I suspect I’ll write about it while he’s here on his current visit, which will only be for the next 8 days. He arrived yesterday, so we don’t have a lot of time together.
So, that’s Kyle, my 17 year old. My “trouble” child, the one over whom my heart has been broken. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make sure he’s not looking up internet porn.
Heading Back Out Of Town
There won’t be any updates to the website today – I’m traveling. Last week it reached over 100 degrees. There was a record setting temperature o 103 degrees on Wednesday. It was rather abnormal for Seattle. Now temperatures are back down to the more (still slightly above average) normal temperatures of the 80’s. I’m traveling to Phoenix, Arizona for the week. The temperature is forecast to hit between 108 and 110 degrees for the next few days.
I’m looking forward to the new heat. While the rest of my family is getting a reprieve, I’m getting two weeks of abnormally hot weather. I know some people live with that sort of weather on a more regular basis, but I simply can’t handle it. Most people from where I live (Seattle) were having a hard enough time when the temperatures hit the 90’s, let alone the triple digits.
Enough complaining.
So I’m headed to Phoenix for a convention of the Knights of the Columbus. My flight leaves in the morning, gets in the early afternoon, then I have some business to attend to before I can fire up my computer to even check email, let alone update the website.
Thankfully the hotel will have internet access, and I’ll have plenty of time to get some work done as well as attend the conference and perform my duties. While I may not be able to go into much detail about what I’m doing, I’ll still have plenty to say about… well, I’m sure I’ll be complaining about the heat…
Phamily Foto Phriday (not)
Late, again, I know.
Friday was my birthday. I turned 42. As is my tradition, I went to the movie theater. This year I managed to catch two films: The Hangover and G-Force. I wound up suffering Galifianakis style whiplash. The Hangover is as funny as you’ve heard, has Zach Galifianakis portraying a rather typical (for him) character which is a little dim-witted and highly offensive. G-Force has him portraying a rather straight-laced science guy in charge of a special project for the FBI involving creatures from the animal kingdom.
As a celebration of my birthday (on which no pictures were taken, oddly enough) I’m posting up a picture that I just posted as my profile shot on my Facebook page. I’ve not updated anything on Facebook in months and months, let alone ever posted my own picture on my profile.
103 Degrees
Yesterday was a historic day in Seattle. Not only did we have the highest temperature on record at 103 degree, but the overnight low was the highest low temperature ever recorded as well at 71 degrees. Maybe you deal with those types of temperatures where you are, but Seattle just isn’t set up for weather that hits over 90 degrees for an extended period of time, let alone triple digits.
I wanted to blog about the weather and how it is affecting us, but there simply isn’t anything constructive to say. It’s hot, we’re all cranky, and we’ve moved everything around so we’re all sleeping in the basement. I put up a bunch of newspaper over the windows that face south that don’t have curtain, trying to keep the sun out of the house as much as possible.
And… that’s it. No, really. I wish I had something witty and original to say, but I don’t. Maybe the heat has fried my brain. I wouldn’t be surprised. I had heat stroke when I was 18. On my 18th birthday, actually. I was in basic training (spent 4 years in the Army, but that’s another series of blog posts) and… well, at the end of the day we were running and I blacked out. The next thing I remember was waking up in the clinic. The point is that I’m rather sensitive myself to the heat, and of course the kids are simply too young to be able to handle the weather with any sort of responsibility.
Not Sexual – Really
Tempuratures this week have been in the mid to upper 90’s, which may not be a big deal where you’re from, but here in Seattle it’s a major event. Heck, anything in the 80’s seems like we’re being punished. Today is projected to meet or exceed the hottest tempurature ever recorded in Seattle, 100.
Last year we replaced our solid plastic kiddie pool (you know, the ones that are 5 foot in diameter and about a foot deep) with one that is a little bit larger, but the sides need inflating for “stability”. After clearing a space in the back yard, we had to actually clean the pool We took some cleaning wipes and scrubbed the dirt and grime from what would ultimately be the bottom surface of the pool. After sitting in our shed for 10 months, it sort of looked … gross.
The cleaning wipes left a residue, so while I held the pool up, Laura hosed it down. Before 3 seconds elapsed she wound up spraying me in the chest with the hose. Almost my whole front got doused. I wasn’t about to change my shirt, however, because it would evaporate soon enough.
Then we had to inflate the pool. There are three rings that need to be individually blown up. The valves are such that they need to be pinched in order to allow the air to flow in either direction. This is meant to help keep air from needlessly escape during inflation.
Laura and I each took a valve, standing in the backyard, with our heads a fraction of an inch from each other. Both of us have taken a valve into our mouths and are trying to inflate the pool. The ridiculousness of how we must have appeared got the better of Laura and she started to lose control. She was unable to hold the valve open, but was blowing with all her might, and getting red in the face. Then I had to go and say “Don’t make me say you suck at giving a blow job.” Well, that did it. She laughed. I did too, and mentioned that I simply had to put that in my blog. She was pretty much done at that point because she couldn’t suck or blow because of the laughter.
